Not Just Another Pretty Blond
by Reallybored2
Summary: Buffy ends up as Revan on Halloween.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** As pleasant and profitable as the idea of ownership is, I still don't own any of these characters. George Lucas owns all Star Wars related material. And Joss Whedon owns everything Buffy and Angel related.

I did borrow them for a good cause-My own amusement.

Davros introduced me to KOTOR, and Revan, through his story, "Knights Of The Hellmouth". I was immediately infatuated with Revan. I went on to read other Buffy-KOTOR crossovers, especially those stories introducing Buffy as Revan. And while they were entertaining, I wanted to find a Buffy-Revan story that focused more on Buffy's earthly life, and the impact it would have had on her relationships, rather than lightsaber fights.

Yeah, I know, it's a chick thing.

I had to find a way of inserting Revan into the Buffyverse. The available options bounced between Portal, Halloween, and Reincarnation. Since this is my first fanfic and keeping it simple was a good idea, I decided to go the traditional way, and Halloween won.

**Summary:** Buffy ends up as Revan on Halloween.

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**Not Just Another Pretty Blond**

**November 01, 1997-DAY AFTER**

Morning sunlight illuminated Buffy's bedroom. Buffy herself sat on the edge of her bed, fully clothed and ready for school, her arms wrapped around her pink, stuffed, toy pig Mr. Gordo. Her haunted eyes stared at the costume of Revan, draped on the chair. Only it was no longer a costume-It was real, real armor, real light sabers, real memories of all the atrocities committed by Revan. Real as last night had been, Buffy shuddered remembering the killing spree she had gone on. She clutched Mr. Gordo even tighter to herself.

Downstairs, Buffy could hear her mother moving around the kitchen; soon enough, she would have to go downstairs, then go to school and face Giles and the Scoopies. What was she going to tell Giles? Oh, hey Giles . . .last night I went as a former Jedi knight, turned Sith lord, turned Jedi knight. Got turned into my costume, and after a hard night of rampaging through the Hellmouth, woke up with a head full of fun Jedi and Sith memories! Not to worry, Giles, not only did my Force powers make the transition fully intact-but so did my equipment! Yep, Giles, you can now call me Jedi Buffy or Darth Buffy as mood and need require!

God, Giles! If you only knew what kind of equipment there was this morning! Buffy whimpered and cringed in memory of her unexpected surprise. Waking up to morning wood was _so_ not fun-Especially since it was on her! Before she had too much time to panic, Revan's memories came to the rescue and allowed Buffy to slide her body back into it's normal Buffy shape. Buffy experienced a tsunami of relief when all those dangly parts shrunk and reabsorbed themselves into her body.

She was a gender shifter-That is what her new memories were telling her. Not just changing from female to male at will, but appearances as well! She could be any racial type, have any eye color in the human norm, or-Hair! Her hair could be any texture or even color! No more bottles of hair dye! Buffy celebrated as the positive possibilities jumped into her crowded head and happily danced. Maybe because they were so bright they reminded Buffy of the squirrel she saw in the cemetery, a few nights back. He was on two legs, dressed up in feathers and beads, looking like a Mayan warrior-priest, waving a little stone knife in one paw. And he-Wait how did the squirrel get dragged into things? Buffy puzzled. What was she-Oh, yeah, Giles.

Hmm, but should she tell Giles and the gang? Buffy mood turned back to dark.

"Buffy! Breakfast!"

Hmph, the walk to school should give me enough time to decide, Buffy concluded. She put Mr. Gordo carefully on the bed and got up. As she walk through the door, she reached back into the room, and one of the light sabers, of the three on the night stand, flew into her hand. Buffy absently tucked it into her school bag-there was no certainty when she might need it.

After all, as if reminders were needed, Buffy Ann Summers was still in Sunnyhell, home of the largest Hellmouth in the world!

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Alright, this Revan is going to be shaped somewhat by the rules in the game-If it's available to a player, then it will show up in the story!

Now Buffy has to wrestle with the major question-Tell or not tell? How will she handle upcoming events? Hmm, well, I'm exhausted, so I think our girl will have some time to think about what she's going to do-I'll update when I can, but don't expect anything any time soon.

Bye for now!


	2. Can You Spell SCHIZOPHRENIA?

**Disclaimer:**Once again, George Lucas owns Stars Wars and all related materials and characters. Joss Whedon owns Buffy The Vampire Slayer and all related materials and characters.

I own nothing and do this for my own amusement.

For anyone interested, I've only come across two stories in the Buffy as Revan line. As I discovered for myself, those stories are rare-But if you are interested in reading the two I found, one of them is on . It's by SHADOWSWORD, titled 'SITH RISE'. The second one is on **Twisting the Hellmouth**. It's a series by MICHAELWEYER, titled 'SLAYERS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC'. Sadly, neither is complete.

As for this chapter-I warn you, it gets ugly. But I'm not going to spoil things by giving away too much information. You'll just have to read it and come to your own decision about it.

Oh, and for others who guessed right about a certain thing-Applause and congratulations!

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Can You Spell SCHIZOPHRENIA?

A few hours later, Buffy, Willow and Xander were out in front of the school, enjoying their typical lunch date together. The sound made by hundreds of students, talking and actively enjoying their short freedom, comfortably blanketed the trio. While Willow gushed over Oz, Xander loving devoured his golden snack cake-Enjoying them so much, occasional moans of pleasure slipped out of him. And Buffy was-Buffy was preoccupied tossing peanuts at a little gray squirrel.

Buffy was listening with half an ear to their conversation, only jumping in with some noncommittal remark to prove she was still with them; -"Oz actually likes classical music. Especially the-"-. Most of her mind was back in the library, replaying the morning after meeting they had with Giles. She had calmly walked in (Yes, she was proud of the calm part!), her hands holding her much needed distraction-A large, white pastry box, filled with life saving goodies. She had been the last of their group to arrive; Willow and Xander were already sitting at the big table-Ironically, the one placed _right over_ the Hellmouth-. Giles was standing, his face grim, with an unknown book in his hands.

"Hi, guys," she greeted the trio, then laid down the box she was carrying, at the center of the table, before taking her seat.

"Donuts!" Eager, greedy hands reached out for them. "Yep," Buffy confirmed. "After last night, I felt we needed a little sugary goodness in our weird lives-Ok, Giles, spill, what happened?"

"Ah-yes, last night . . .a former _friend_-" he spat out the word, "of mine, by the name of Ethan Rayne-," for the next fifteen minutes Giles recited the Scoobies Halloween adventure, with Xander or Willow interrupting with a few personal details. At the end, Buffy sat silent, her body tense and hunter still. "So, where's this Ethan now?" She asked softly.

"Don't worry, Buffy," Giles said, reassuring his Slayer. "Ethan is long gone from here. He shall not return to Sunnydale-At least, if he knows what is good for him!" For a moment, Ripper's fierce countenance took over the genteel librarian's face.

"Good," she acknowledged. Buffy sighed, animation returning to her body. "At least my mom was ok," she said, in relief. "The Gallery's Halloween party theme-Come As Your Favorite Artist. _Never_ have I been more grateful for lame predictability! Mom went as a brainy classic, Leo da Vinci." Buffy explained. "After they got hit by the spell, they decided to seal themselves inside and devote their time to artsy stuff. Oh, in case anyone's interested, they're selling the stuff they made in a charity auction next month."

Giles blinked a few times, behind his glasses. "Um, ah-ah, y-yes, that sounds reasonable," he stuttered.

Xander, swallowing his last doughnut bit, reached for another one, and asked the dreaded question. "So, what happened to you last night, Buffy?"

"Yeah, Buffy," Willow said. "We looked for you and couldn't find you! If you hadn't called us last night, telling us you and your mom were ok, then we would have, we would have, um," Willow faltered.

"It's ok, Willow," Buffy reassured her flustered friend. Now, here was the time-No more delays. Truth or-A feeling suddenly seized her. "I don't recall anything in between plotting vengeance on a toothbrush gifting giver, and standing on a rooftop, staring down on a street that looked like a conquering army had gone through! People, slayer sight is really good! What I saw down there, down on that street-Well, what could I think? It was right up there in the Slayer book of horror!"

"Don't worry, Buffy," Willow said proudly. "We stopped him."

"Yep," bragged Xander. "We kicked Ethan Ryane's sorry behind, and sent him packing!"

"Good." Buffy repeated herself.

Buffy came out of her memories with the last image of Giles' sympathetic eyes-He knew there was more to the story, although she was certain the man had no real inkling of the extent of the truth. So, Giles like, he would wait until his Slayer was up to talking about the traumatic details of Halloween night.

Ugh, just like that she had a reprieve! On the other side of Willow, Buffy heard Xander voice, -"-it's not _just_ about the crème center! You have to consider the merits of the golden, yummy, spongy goodness of-"-; Buffy nearly rolled her eyes at her friend's obsession. But instead, she stopped herself and squinted at the gray squirrel she had been tossing peanuts to-Did that critter seem a bit off? The animal clutched it's peanut in it's paws, black beady eyes staring blankly at her, while it quickly ate it's prize.

Maybe not, Buffy finally conceded. Just another dumb, clueless animal with enough sense to stay at home on Halloween! She added bitterly. Abruptly, a window opened in her memory-Eyesight, hearing, smell, and taste-tactile feelings of every variety blossoming until she faded away. And Buffy, once again, found herself reliving the previous night.

She was looking down on a chaotic street riot, small fires burned randomly about; cars laid overturned, on their sides or torn to pieces; bodies laid crumbled in pools of blood and gore. The living staggered and stumbled about, either sobbing or in the gaping silence of shock. Revan had retreated gently from her mind and body-But not before leaving a final gift. Buffy recognized it and the enormity of it. Before she could become overwhelmed by it, the cries below her drew her attention.

Buffy jumped down, from the two-storey building she had perched on. She landed and looked around at the broken pieces of people and the town. A partly curled child's hand still discharged blood and fluids on the hood of a minivan with tore doors and a shredded interior, the gnawed hand was missing a few digits. She turned and started walking-Buffy avoided the still twitching body of a four-year boy, in a painted cat costume, his intestines pulled out of his torn torso and piled up beside him, while the blue orb of his right eye danged from his socket. The body of a man slumped down by the foot of the wall, had obviously been thrown there-Evidenced by the splintered, battered masonry and a body wide ribbon of blood running down from the impact site to the body.

Buffy began walking faster, urged on by an unrecognizable feeling. She broke into a gliding loping run, gracefully avoiding the blood body parts and bits scattered haphazardly on the road and sidewalks. She ran past a girl her age, pulling herself out of the bushes, her face broken and bloody, eyes nearly swollen shut, trying to cover her abused body with the shredded remnants of her costume. Semen and blood still flowed down the interior of her thighs. Buffy came close to stopping to help the girl, but the feeling intensify and pushed her on. Off in the distance, she heard sirens and knew help was on its way.

She leaped over a body with a bizarre flattened head-His skull had been removed in some way. Buffy raced across yards, leaped over fences and bound over rooftops. Three vampires in her path never saw the tree branches that sudden broke away from their parent trees and shot through their chests! Buffy was distantly aware of the multiple explosions of dust, but they were soon forgotten as she raced on.

Ethan Ryane never saw her arrive in the alley, while jogging cheerfully towards his parked car. Rubert should have been a little more grateful to him for taking him out of his stuffy librarian shell for the night, Ethan thought smugly. But no! Instead, he breaks into his fine little shop and trashes it and ends all that fun they had been having! Ha! Ha! Oh, the look on his face! Ethan chuckled. Bruised and a little worse for wear after his encounter with Ripper, but still victorious!

Suddenly, he was picked up by an invisible force and flung hard upon one of the brick walls of the alley! Ethan hung up there, flattened and pinned up against the wall, his feet dangling above the ground. Unable to move or speak, while pressure built up along his joints and moved into his sinuses-His ears popped and burning pain exploded in his joints and sinuses! If Ethan had been capable of it at the moment, he would have been writhing and screaming in pain! He did tried to scream-Or was it protest? Ethan was unsure which-But, for all of his efforts no sound came out of his mouth. A moment later, a figure silently glided out of the dark; Ethan stared in horrified fascination as it approached him. What was it? What was it? Terror seized Ethan in a vise, squeezing all warmth from his extremities. The stench of old urine and garbage was momentarily overlaid by the sharp, pungent smell of new urine. He barely noticed the wet, surging warmth traveling down his legs. Ethan braced himself-he had a sense that maybe facing Ripper would have been a better choice.

It stopped in front of him and seemed to contemplate him. A quiet and menacing presence for all that it was not very tall. Ethan stared at his captor-Hooded and cloaked, its armor's color shifting from red to gold, depending on the ambient light striking it. But there more to it then that-The Chaos mage could see the smoking tendrils of energy and raw power emanating from it. Ethan inwardly trembled. For a moment more, they remained like that. Then, abruptly, with a slow and deliberate, motion, gloved hands moved up to the mask helmet, she removed the helmet and shocked Ethan even more-How could he have forgotten that costume, or _her_?

"Hello, Mr. Ethan," Buffy said softly. Her face a still, expressionless mask, her green eyes cold and dead. "No, no, you will be silent. It's my turn to talk, now. Meeting you here wasn't a coincidence-I sought you out, to talk to you, and make you understand certain things-."

A dagger of Force energy unexpectedly slammed its way into Ethan Rayne's mind! Screaming, begging, Ethan felt the relentless mind of the Slayer savagely dig and cut, probe and thrust, into his own mind, effortlessly and painfully overcoming his carefully laid defenses. No! Please! No! Ethan begged desperately, sensing what was about to happen and helpless to stop her. Buffy opened her Force senses and vomited into Ethan Rayne's mind every image and feeling she collected on her way to confront him. Into his mind poured the raw emotions of Terror, Confusion, Horror-Buffy allowed him to feel the last few minutes of every human life taken, or traumatized beyond repair, by his little 'joke'. She allowed him to be that little girl, ripped from her family's minivan, and eaten alive. She turned him into that loving father who had his sweet little boy turned into a monster, pick him up and slam him into a wall, smearing the back of his brains on it. He was a sixteen-year-old girl, beaten and brutally gang raped-He was four and his mom ripped out his intestines. He was twelve and he watched as his brother ripped out his beating heart, and after taking a bit out of it, stick it on a picket fence. On and on and on it went-Dozens, hundreds-on and on.

Without mercy, Buffy poured memory and painful loss into Ethan Rayne. Stop! Stop! Stop! A screaming voice broke through Buffy, shocked, she realized it was hers. What-?! Buffy pulled back into her own mind, and stared in horror at the crumbled, breathing body of Ethan Raynes. His mind broken: his body, lying in a jumble of uncontrolled limbs.

Oh, god! What have I done! Buffy took a horrified step back-She stopped and took several gulps of fetid air. She had to fix this-She had to!

She stepped forward, and reentered Ethan's mind-This time to fix the damage she did.

Through Ethan's memories, Buffy found his car. The Chaos mage had packed his precious books and supplies into it, anticipating a quick escape. Buffy thought about those books as she used the Force to transport Ethan to his car, then place his sleeping, stinking body in it. She drove them to the motel room he had rented, a place nearly thirty miles away from town. After carrying Ethan into his room, she dumped him on the bed and locked the door behind her. Buffy took the car back to her house.

She arrived to an empty house-Before Buffy could panic she did a quick search with the Force and relaxed with relief as she found her mother. Joyce was safe, but confused and heading home. Quickly, Buffy emptied the car of Ethan's books and supplies. She hid them down in the basement. Not much of a hiding spot, but that would have to do until she found a better place for them. Running out of time, she parked the car a few blocks away. She locked it and pocketed the keys-Buffy ran back to the house, frantically preparing for Joyce's homecoming.

Yeah, she made it in time. Joyce checked on her daughter and found her sleeping in her bed. Only, Buffy was awake, and stayed that way.

A deep, internal sigh placed Buffy back to her present reality. She tossed the last peanut to the fuzzy tailed rodent and contemplated her next course of action. Talking to Giles was out of the question-At least, until she figured out a few things. From Ethan, Buffy found out why most slayers died by eighteen. There was no way she was going to let them do that to her! Buffy promised angrily to herself; she was going to find a way of dealing with the Council-She had to. She did not want to die! Buffy was certain they would find an excuse to murder her, if their little test failed to do the job.

Oh, was a mess! Revan, Ethan, the Council-Did she miss anyone or anything-? Oh, yeah, Giles, Angel and his soul-curse, her mom-Yep, it was a mess, alright, Buffy acknowledged with sinking despair. Suddenly, the Feeling came back: Buffy knew what she needed to do-There was _no_ way she could completely handle this by herself; she was drowning, she needed help.

"Willow, Xander will you like to come over tonight? See a movie, eat pizza-That sort of thing?"

Buffy looked over at her friends. They looked surprised, then Xander shrugged and Willow smiled. "Yeah, sure why not?" Said Xander.

"But Buffy," Willow asked. "What about the slayage thing? Shouldn't you be out patrolling or something?"

Buffy shrugged. "After last night, I think everyone is going to be laying low and recovering-Besides, I think I deserve at least _one_ night off the slayage. So, what do you say, Willow?"

"I'm in," Willow said eagerly. "So what's the movie?"

Buffy grinned. "A classic-Star Wars!"

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Okay, that's said and done. Our Buffy has taken a necessary first step. As for anyone who can't believe she could possibly behave like she did with Ethan-recall the time she tortured that vampire. Then there were all those times when Buffy fell into the tactics of threats and intimidation to get her way.

Seriously, she could have behaved that way, especially after her recent possession by Revan. However, if you feel more comfortable putting the blame on poor Revan, go ahead. But a word of warning: this Revan is the one who disappears from history. So, he's not a complete raving bastard, but on the other hand he's not a complete goody-two-shoes either!

Anyway, thanks to Ethan, Buffy has gained valuable magical knowledge and information on the Watchers Council. Her relationship with Giles has just taken a hit. This is going to have dramatic and immediate consequences. For Buffy, it also means disclosing everything she knows to Willow and Xander, to gain their full support.

Well, while it's been a pleasure, I have to sign off. Frankly, I'm not certain when I can update. It could be a month or more. I'm not really sure. So, good-bye and thanks!


	3. Squirrels On Her Brain

**Disclaimer:** I want to make it clear that Buffy The Vampire Slayer and any related materials or characters, belong to Joss Whedon. Star Wars and related materials or characters belong to George Lucas.

I own nothing. I do this for my own amusement.

Why is Buffy so twitchy over a little squirrel? Here's why.

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Squirrels On Her Brain

A few nights before . . .

Tal'kac, high priest of the Hrooser clan of squirrels, stood on holy ground, while his tiny paw clutched the stone knife of bloodletting. The Wards had been raised and checked-He knew nothing (absolutely _nothing_!) could pass uninvited through them. Every holy and unholy object and fetish prepared and cleansed for use in the ritual. He was finally ready!

He began the ritual with mystic passes through the air with the knife. Soon! Soon! He crooned and promised to himself. With tonight's passing Human domination of the Earth will cease! And Squirrel kind will rule the Ear-!

"Aaaiiiiii-!"

CRUNCH! RIP!

"Hoot! Hoot!"

And all they did find of poor Tal'kac was his discarded knife and a few feathers from his headdress.

As for Buffy, who witnessed the entire owl attack, from beginning to end, decided this was one nightly event she was going to keep to herself.

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I know! I know! I said I wasn't going to update any time soon. But this little waif was something I had cut out from the second chapter, since I was uncertain whether to put it in the beginning or end of the story-I felt Buffy's odd reaction to the squirrel, she was feeding, needed to be explained. So, rather then add it to the second chapter it became its own stand-alone chapter.

Well, I hope you enjoy this unexpected surprise. Bye!


	4. An Evening Of Pizza And Names

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Disclaimer: George Lucas and his group own Star Wars and all related materials and characters. Joss Whedon and his gang own Buffy The Vampire Slayer and all related materials and characters.

I own nothing-I do this for my own pleasure and amusement.

Here you go. Another chapter ahead of schedule, but I warn you that this chapter has no action in it, only silly yaking teenagers. However, it is a necessary evil: sort of like getting from A to C-you have to go through B first. Well, this chapter is B.

If you chose to continue reading then it's totally your fault if you yawn and fall asleep in front of your computer-So, there. Warning given.

As for questions of Buffy's powers-Whether she could match some tricks exhibited by some Big Bads, my thoughts on that is no. Buffy could potentially _surpass_ them. Those creatures are like cheap knockoffs-While Buffy is a designer original.

I stand firmly in that camp of people who believe the Slayer's full Powers were deliberately hidden from her. Part of a conspiracy to keep the Slayer controllable and a mere stabbing-slashing-bashing machine.

Well, I think I've covered everything. Lets get on with the story, okay?

****

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An Evening Of Pizza And Names

"Willow?"

"Um . . .um . . .um-"

"Willow!" Buffy spun around, "Xander! I think Willow's broken! Do something!"

"Ah, ah, ah-Heh! Heh! Heh!" Xander giggled giddily.

"Oh, god!" With slayer speed, Buffy dashed to the nightstand, and seized the glass and pitcher of water she kept there. Quickly, she poured water into the glass and leaped in front of Willow; she dashed the water into Willow's face, then Buffy put down the water glass and picked up the box of tissue and handed them over to her gasping, sputtering and very wet friend. Xander was still giggling; Buffy shifted around to face him and pulled back the arm holding the pitcher-.

Xander eyes blinked and focused on that pitcher sloshing with water-he abruptly stopped giggling. "No! No! I'm cool! I'm cool!" He held his hands up and leaned back. His eyes held the glint of fear.

Buffy scowled at him suspiciously. "Okay, put just remember, Xander. One more giggle, _just_ one! And I'll make certain it's an ice bath for you!"

Xander gulped and nodded. "Um, Wills? Are you okay?" The word _Now _hung unsaid.

Willow wiped her face with the handful of sodden tissues and nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay, Xander. It's just-all of this-." She waved an uncertain hand at Revan's robes and armor, laid out on the bed.

"Oh, yeah . . ." Xander grinned. A sideways glance at Buffy wiped the smile off his face. "Ah, got any-any idea why your costume didn't revert back to normal, when everyone else's did?"

Buffy gave Xander one last evaluating glare before putting down the pitcher; she noted Xander relaxing slightly. "Yep," Buffy explained her theory, crossing her arms. "It was magic-Happy now?"

Xander blink, and shrugged "Yep!"

"Yay!" Willow cheered halfheartedly, her eyes focused on the metal and materials on the bed.

The mood turned sour when Willow asked, "When are you going to tell Giles? About the-the Sith person?" Willow eyed Revan's armor and robes unhappily.

Buffy turned somber, "Yeah . . .about Giles . . ."

Quietly, she told them about the Cruciamentum, the ritual that killed most Slayers on their eighteenth birthday. Buffy told her shocked friends everything she discovered from Ethan Raynes, about the Council and their corruption and betrayal. "-Most field Watchers are decent people, people like Giles; but they honestly believe they're doing it for the good of their Slayer."

Ethan Raynes, Buffy paused as she could still hear his keening wails hours after he woke up. She dismissed him from her mind, but not without a sense of unease and guilt.

She walked over to her closet, and after digging on the top shelf, Buffy pulled out a laptop. Under the interested eyes of her friends, Buffy put it on an unoccupied corner of the bed. "Ethan Raynes'," she said, "I took his car last night. Along with all the goodies he had packed into it."

Willow gasped. "Buffy! That's stealing!"

Buffy shrugged. "Ethan Raynes owed big for that night-If he went without his underwear, I'm not gonna cry about it." No, she was going to cry about something else entirely.

Xander nodded thoughtfully; then he grinned and rubbed his hands together. "What kind of goodies was he packing? Anything useful?"

"Yep, lots of stuff-Including some serious magic books. Now Willow doesn't have to sneak them out of Giles' collection."

"Eep!" Willow jumped, wide eyed. "W-w-what? Magic books? Sneaking them out of Giles' collection? I-I-." She was on the verge of hyperventilating.

Buffy grinned. "Relax Wills. I've known what you've been up to, for a while now. You and Amy Madison."

"Amy Madison?" Willow repeated.

"Yeah," Buffy nodded frowning slightly. "After today, maybe we oughta have a talk with her-But that's for another time. Right now, we've got plans to make."

"What kind of plans?" Xander asked, curiously.

Buffy took a deep breath and retrieved the sheets of paper on her desk. "This is Snyder's Halloween 'volunteer' list. And this is a list of the costumes Raynes sold or rented-either complete or accessories. We are going to start matching them," she added casually. "Then we are going to start recruiting them for the army we are going to build."

Buffy noted Xander's wary look. "Yeah, I know Soldier guy's memories are still lurking around your head, Xander. Mom has them too-Leo was a really gifted man. Artist, scientist, engineer-Mom has decided to go for an engineering degree," a thoughtful look came to her face, "I took a look at the campus earlier today and took care of a nest there-that counts towards tonight's slayage." Buffy declined to mention the plasma grenade she used, or gender shifting and passing unnoticed through the campus while alarms were going off because of it. "Other people have memories, now. They now have scientific, technical, medical, and like you Xander, military knowledge. And without doubt, they probable have retained a few other overlooked skills that we are going to need."

Willow caught up to what Buffy had said. "Um, Buffy? Did you say army? Did you say army?!"

"Well, yeah, Willow," said Buffy exasperated. "I don't know about you Willow, but waiting around for the next Big Bad to jump us is really getting on my nerves. If we had the means to gather better intelligence maybe the next Big Bad won't surprise us-maybe we won't have a body count of a dozen or more afterwards. Or running about at the last minute to find a crucial weapon or talisman to keep the monsters from ending the World. How about all those mystical toys buried about town? I'd rather collect them and either destroy them or use them for our side." Buffy started pacing. "Sure, pointy, sharp things are fun to dust things with-but what if there are other better, far more efficient means to do it? If we had people with the knowledge to build what we need maybe we can find those means."

Another thing nudged her brain, Buffy decided to save that for a _little_ while longer. Rants did require attention and care, she pointed out to herself. Or, you could stop stalling and get that part of things out in the open! A reasonable portion of her mind calmly expressed itself. It sounded suspiciously like the Revan part of her, Buffy considered idly. And, yes, she thought in resignation, she was stalling.

Was now the right time to tell them about Revan's _special_ gifts?

Buffy looked at Willow's sodden, yet interested face. Xander seemed thoughtful and cautious. Hm, she knew that putting it off was a really bad idea. But procrastination was _so_ comfortable! Oh, crap, Buffy relented, pushed by that _feeling_, she knew putting it off just meant it was going to come back and bite her hard some day soon.

"Willow, Xander," Buffy said abruptly. "There's something else you've got to know about Revan-." She shifted.

"Xander! Xander! Come back to us!"

"Hmmmm?" First thing Xander noticed was lying down flat somewhere. Floor, he haphazardly guessed from past experience. The Voice? Willow, he recognized her voice. But what he was having a hard time with was why was he so cold? Or so wet?!

"Oh! Crap!"

Xander flew up from his prone position and jumped frantically about the room, shaking and flapping his arms-Trying to dislodge the ice that had slipped beneath his clothing. When he had finally exhausted himself, he stood panting, staring at the two girls knelling on the floor.

Buffy grinned delightedly, the incriminating empty pitcher in her hand. "Oh, good, you're awake."

"Uh,uh," Xander said, idiotically. He realized that what was coming from his mouth sounded more like moans then words. So, he closed his mouth and tried again. "Willow, Buffy-I had this bad dream." He swallowed. "I dreamt Buffy had turned into a guy!"

Willow's eyes darted sideways at Buffy, then she stared at Xander with big panicked eyes. "Uh, Xander? It wasn't a dream. Buffy did turn into a guy."

"Oh," said Xander, then his eyes rolled up and he fainted again.

"Not again!" Buffy moaned. She scrambled up and caught Xander before he fell.

Willow scooted over to them on her hands and knees. "Well, it was a big shock to him! You going all," Willow vaguely gestured and blushed. "You know, with the man parts. He _is_ sixteen! What with all his teenage hormones going on and stuff! He-he, he's got pictures in his head now! Now not just of you, but of a guy, too!"

Buffy winced, suddenly understanding the sexual confusion poor Xander was likely going to go through. "Yikes!"

Willow nodded knowingly. "Yeah!"

A moan caught their attention. Xander was coming to on his own-Buffy was grateful her floor was going to be spared another soaking. Xander stirred and partly opened his eyes; he stared up at them, then he grinned weakly and said, "Say Buffy, maybe next time you can give a guy some warning, before you know, turn into a guy!"

Buffy smiled tightly. "Yeah, sure Xander. I just thought this time around it was better to get it over with quickly, before I chickened out."

"Ah, okay." Xander struggled up. Buffy caught him by the elbow and quickly pulled him up to his feet. "Thanks Buff."

"Here," she handed him the box of tissues. "Use these to dry off. Sorry we had to drench you. But after five minutes we were getting worried."

"_Five minutes_?!"

"Yeah," Buffy eyed him critically. "Hold on there-I think you're going to need a towel." She escaped out the bedroom, leaving Xander gaping at her.

Buffy's distraction was successful; Xander settled down to gulping cold pizza while sitting on the living room floor-His stomach winning out over any feelings of outrage or ill use he may have had left.

Willow was holding a slice of pizza in one hand and a list in the other. "What you are planning makes sense, Buffy; but still-What about Giles? What are you going to tell him?"

Buffy wiped her mouth with a paper napkin. "Giles is an honorable and proud man-I'm gonna have to handle this with intense delicacy."

"Yeah, right, delicacy," growled Xander from around his pizza. "Just show him like you showed me-I guarantee you he'll listen to almost anything after that!"

Buffy snorted. "Xander, you may have a good idea there! I'll put it in the Plan B column."

"Glad I can help," he said airily around a mouthful. Xander swallowed. "Hey, Wills, would you mind passing me that list?"

"Sure," Willow leaned over and handed Xander the list she had been reading.

"Thanks Wills!" Xander read through the list quickly, pausing hard on one name. "Ah, Buffster? Maybe you oughta reconsider this guy here, Andrew Wells."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

Xander inhaled deeply and stared up the ceiling for a moment, searching for a way to define Andrew Wells.

"Think geek times a hundred. _Then_ add a talent for attracting trouble, while standing still, in the middle of an empty field."

Buffy considered for a moment. "So, he's like you?" she offered.

Xander sputtered in outrage. "No! Andrew Wells is nothing like me! I've got _some_ common sense!" He pointed out proudly. "Andrew would have trouble beating out a brain damaged cabbage for common sense! Seriously, Buffy, this guy's trouble! The sort that'll have you promising to kill him!"

Willow chewed and shrugged her answer when Buffy looked at her. She considered her agitated Xander friend and shrugged herself. Okay, she had a temper-But wanting to kill a geek? Hm, well maybe in passing, she was honest with herself, if he had messed up badly enough. Yet, what kind of trouble could this Andrew Wells character get into that could throw her into a killing rage?

A year and a whole lot of stuff later-

"Andrew Wells! I'm going to kill you!" A hissed promise delivered by a furious Slayer.

Oh, yeah, maybe something like . . .that.

****

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For anyone still awake, I did give you warning.

After breaking my promises on updates I decided not to give any type of schedules out-Updates will come when they come.

In case some people were too numb to notice. Certain topics were omitted by the trio-Angel's soul curse for one. Buffy is aware of it and all of its specifics because of Ethan. Of course, Ethan would know about the Happiness Clause. Curses are the Chaos mage forte, and a vicious soul curse, like the one afflicting Angel, would have been too delicious for Ethan Ryanes not to know about.

Needless to say, that topic does become a part of a later chapter-Just not this one.

Good-bye!


	5. Vacation Anyone?

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Disclaimer: I own **Nothing**! All _Star Wars_ related materials and characters belong to George Lucas and his group. All _Buffy The Vampire_ _Slayer_ related materials and characters belong to Joss Whedon and his bunch. _Rat Death_ and _Diskworld_ belongs to Sir Terry Pratchett. Aesop created _The Old Man And Death._ Ian Fleming owns _James Bond_ and _Q_ and all related materials and characters.

Here it is-the fifth chapter in the infamous **Not Just Another Pretty Blond**. It has been the case, that some people have had questions about Revan's gender in this story. Some have been polite, others . . .well, they are certainly _passionate_ about the subject.

This is _game_ Revan. Revan's gender and affiliation-male or female, dark or light side-is completely the choice of the player.

George Lucas has remained silent about Revan's gender, as far as I know. However, Leeland Chee did declare Revan light side male. But that does not apply to game Revan, it's still player's choice.

As for the Revan in my story, neither Ethan Rayne nor Buffy specified gender or affiliation. The consequence was that instead of canceling itself out, the chaos spell became unstable and translated Revan as a gender shifter, allowing Buffy to make her own choices.

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Summary: Buffy contemplates the changes since Halloween.

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Vacation Anyone?

Sunlight has a scent-It was energy and heat. But it wore a perfume gotten from life itself. Heat and light aroused the living-Plants and animals; the earth itself added an aroma to the light of the sun.

Sunlight pushed into Buffy's bedroom, allowing dust motes to dance in the beams of light illuminating the Slayer. Buffy sat on her bed meditating. Her legs crossed and her open hands rested palms upward on her thighs. Her eyes were closed; her own silver glow blended with the flowing gold entering her room. On her desk, her diary sat open, a pen hovering above the page, occasionally dipped down and creating several paragraphs.

A month and a week after Halloween, her recruitment drive and some of her goals had gone well. There were some, um, oddities-Like Andrew Wells. Xander's warning, was if anything understated.

Buffy considered the Trio-Granted . . . they were _good_ at melding technology and magic together. Yet, they were easily the most annoying human beings she had ever come across! Buffy included Revan's memories for a wider comparison. And, yes, the Trio _still_ won first prize! They enthusiastically called themselves 'Q', after that James Bond character. Somehow, Buffy suspected that wherever Ian Fleming was he was not amused or flattered.

And-that Andrew was still . . .odd. Although, he could be scarily efficient, when he wanted to be.

Worse . . .they had gotten around to addressing her as _Master_. Buffy repressed her shudders; they were funny-Up to a point. Up to the point she felt like ripping out their intestines through their mouths!

Ah, she had to watch that, Buffy acknowledged gleefully. It was the Revan in her. Or was it the Buffy side? She found herself confused sometimes . . .

Buffy considered Revan. Revan had been both Sith lord and Jedi. His legacy was a strange one: Revan had been the greatest Jedi and the greatest Sith lord in recorded galactic history. Revan had been both savior and destroyer of the old Republic. Revan was corrupted and in turn, corrupted others. Revan emerged triumphant from the Dark and led others back to the Light.

Or he could have jumped back into the Dark, taking everyone he allowed to live with him! _Player's choice_! Buffy crowed, delighted.

Yep, that was the pretty word-Choice. For the first time, since Merrick introduced himself to her, Buffy did have a sincere, honest, choice in things. She gloated over this unexpected gift. No, no complains from her-Even if the 'gift' originated from a confused Chaos spell.

The topic of gifts shoved Buffy down into the fields of unpleasant memories. She picked the more recent crop-Ford had come to visit her, shortly after Halloween. Billy "Ford" Fordham, a friend from her past. A golden age for her back then, Buffy reflected wistfully, back when clothing, shoes and boys were the most urgent and necessary subjects in her life.

"Ford!" Buffy had happily shrieked, at his unexpected presence. Her happy surprise lasted only until she wrapped him in a tight hug-Then Buffy fervently cursed his appearance. Another part of her old world had just burned and turned to cinder.

Drastic changes had disintegrated her old life and left a nasty replacement in its place. But she was not the exception to ugly changes in her old group-Buffy discovered Ford's secret when she hugged him: Sadly, he was dying. That was bad enough, but he had a desperate and mad plan-Betray her to Spike and Dru. What was he going to get out of that? Ford's plan was to be turned as a vampire for this Judas service, and continue existing. What was frightening, Buffy discovered her former friend _knew_ that only his body and a parasitical demon was all that was going to remain of him afterward!

He knew and rationalized it-Even if only his body survived, at least it was _something_ of him that continued on after his death.

Angry, and soul sickened by Ford's near betrayal, Buffy considered how to deal with her former friend. Buffy resigned herself to the loss of another piece of her old life-She secretly gained entrance to Ford's motel room. Buffy caught Ford unaware-She used the Force to slow down his brain activity and ease him into an unconscious state. She got to work as soon as Ford was out; when Buffy left the motel room, a _healthy_ Ford woke up with _only_ the bitter sweet memory of his final meeting and goodbye with his good friend Buffy Anne Summers, playing in his head. With that done, Ford packed up and left Sunnydale for home, LA. Mission accomplished, for him.

Later, that evening, Buffy, her feelings still in turmoil over Ford's near betrayal, saved a group of Vampire fans from being eaten by the real thing. Now, _there_ was a sure fired way of erasing their fascination with the evil parasites! The reason Buffy remembered the event, above other saves, was one girl, a tall, willowy blond.

Buffy felt the Force do some twisty thing around the girl. Currently clueless about what it meant-But Buffy was confident whatever the girl was going to become involved with was going to drop on _her_ head, at some point in time. And, Buffy grudgingly admitted, it was likely to happen in the worse possible time, at the worse possible moment, in the worse possible way-as it usually did.

Buffy resigned herself-What was going to happen, was going to happen. Whatever it was, hopefully not too many lives were going to be lost. Yeah, she was being fatalistic about it-Or was she being realistic? Regardless, Buffy knew the fun and games the girl was going to involve her in were not going to be minor things.

Grousing about it, Buffy decided she had enough of the nightlife for a while, and cut through one of Sunnydale's many, many cemeteries on her way home. She took out her frustrations on two newly risen fledglings, dusting them the old fashion way. With the mayor's cameras recording everything, why give old Richard Wilkins a free lightsaber show? And, boy, was Wilkins _old_ . . .at least over a hundred, if Ethan's research had any validity. Truthfully, Ethan had been an irresponsible troublemaker, short a few, but his research had been flawless.

Had to be-Ethan had had a serious sense of self-preservation, regardless of how he skewered his free time. By the time he kicked his 'fun' into motion, the names and talents of every player he was likely to encounter had been thoroughly checked and researched. Gods and demigods Ethan knew, but RPG characters? Meh, not so much . . .

As it sometimes did, Buffy's mind jumped to another subject without warning-Spike and Dru. What to do with those two? They were her current three D's-Death, Destruction, Distraction.

Granted, given her current level of abilities she could dust them while doing her nails-Literally; Buffy considered those possibilities with a wicked grin. She returned to her current concerns with a scowl. The only hitch came up with Spike-He had a dormant soul! Unlike the vast majority of vampires, who lost their souls, for some reason, Spike-William Pratt-still had his. In a deep coma, but _still_ there inside little old Spikey.

For a brief moment, with Revan urging her to, Buffy considered disregarding her terribly important discovery and dusting the vampire. But if she did, would _Angel_ have to be next?

Angel, Buffy's low mood dropped a few levels. She still had to tell him about the Curse. A single moment of happiness, and Angelus made a return appearance. Buffy could understand how grief made people do stupid things-But the creator of the Curse had been a true idiot! Angelus had been a rabid animal, who needed to be brought down like any other infected beast. Instead, the fool dragged an innocent soul into the mess. What had Liam done to deserve that fate? Truthfully, he had been a drunken wastrel, a disappointment to his family. But had he really been a bad guy?

Buffy considered the man's history, and knew that for all of Liam's flaws and failings in life, his self-destructive behavior, he had been innocent of Angelus' crimes. Punishing a relatively innocent soul instead of that demonic parasite was truly obscene, in Buffy's score book.

Hmmm, could she do something about the Curse? Buffy inwardly sighed-Another thing for her to do list . . .

A few steps later and the Force rose in her, drawing Buffy's attention to a mausoleum. She gave it a casual glance, mindful of Wilkins artificial eyes. Nothing _outwardly_ special about it, Buffy decided, checking around herself. She headed into the tree line, stake ready, in a stalking pose. A few moments later, Buffy left the trees; the cameras recorded the Slayer's return home. What they _could not_ record was the real Buffy leaving the tree line and heading for the mausoleum.

Cautiously, Buffy entered the tomb. Dust and cobwebs overlaid everything-A good sign the mausoleum had remained undisturbed for many years. Mouse droppings were dry and old, and only a whiff of ancient rodent urine haunted the place. Her senses straining to discover anything more dangerous then the spiders and insects inhabiting the still, stone, building. Nothing that could harm her in residence, Buffy noted in satisfaction. But the _Force_ tugged at her-there was something then . . .All she had to do was find it.

"Yep, typical Buffy evening-Dust a couple of vamps and, oh, a bit of grave robbing in place of an evening nightcap!" Buffy complained to empty air. But her feet were in motion, going deeper into the tomb, and not too long later she was holding her prize-A large gold cross.

Touching it brought Buffy knowledge-"Josephus du Lac's little code key," she whispered, staring at the cross in fascination. A touch brought back the ideas and thoughts of a brain long and long ago turned to dust inside its skull.

Buffy was not happy-The man had been mad and his writings dark and evil enough to _almost_ rival Revan's unholy publications, at the height of the Sith lord's insanity! Buffy frowned at the cross, until a nasty idea popped into _her_ head.

A cruel smile curved itself on Buffy's mouth, as her eyes lit up with an evil idea. "Gentlemen and Ladies, your attention, please . . ."

Two hours after leaving the mausoleum with the gold cross, Buffy returned to it with a gold cross. She restored everything back to it original condition-going as far as using the Force to sweep back the layers of dust her feet, hands and body had removed. Buffy dashed back home and once in her own bed, stared up at the ceiling and laughed herself asleep.

The next day, in the library, Buffy waited until Giles was called away to an emergency meeting. Then went to fetch a certain book.

"Buffy! What are you doing to Giles' book?!" Willow gasped. She was shocked by the apparent vandalism, but to be honest about it, was as equally fascinated by what the Slayer was up to; Willow quietly speculated _when_ Buffy was going to teach her to do . . .whatever it was that she was doing to Giles' book.

Xander stood frozen, wide eyed. Even _he_ understood that messing with Giles' books was suicidal! Giles was as protective about his books as Mama Bear with her cubs! But there was Buffy, with one of G-man's old books, opened and her glowing hand over one page, an intense look of concentration on her face. What _was_ Buffy doing? Or was it Revan?

Xander watched in fascination as the brownish, spider scrawl on the page, moved around or faded. Buffy raised her hand and the pages turned by themselves, when they stopped flipping she lowered her hand down and the fading brown ink on it scrambled to rearrange itself for her. Xander considered the Slayer-Lately he had been having a hard time keeping Buffy and Revan separate. More than occasionally, Xander found himself seeing a disturbing image of an overpowered maniac, dropped into a insane asylum, then given the master keys to every cell and room in there!

Buffy glanced up and flashed him a brilliant, amused smile before returning her attentions to the book.

Damn! He had to watch that! She _knew_ what he was thinking-He had to strengthen his shields. Otherwise, he stood a good chance of ending up as some demonic creature's buttmonkey! And, Xander candidly admitted to himself, with his weird luck, it was likely to happen.

Mental shields . . .Huh, first thing Buffy ever taught him and Wills. A timely lesson-Once Xander saw how easily Buffy manipulated other people: his parents were a prime example of her abilities-After her little 'talk' with them, Xander's home life got exceedingly better. Not perfect . . .there was still a long way to go before it got even close to _normal_, but it was _so_ much better than before.

Being the son of a member of Sunnydale's 'clean up' crew was a _way_ hard position to have-What with his dad drinking to forget the stuff he saw on the job. But the 'clean up' crew and their families had protection of sorts-The Harris family was off limits to _most_ of Sunnyhell's monsters. A benefit that kept the older Harris employed with the town.

And drunk off his rear, most of the time, Xander thought sadly.

Xander returned his thoughts back to Buffy; Buffy was playing a dangerous game, he decided. That sort of power could easily corrupt Buffy-If she became careless, a misstep could end up causing unspeakable tragedy. Xander struggled with his misgivings and decided to talk to Buffy about it-later. For the here and now . . .Xander still had to figure out what Buffy was doing to that book!

Buffy rewrote three other pages before the book gently closed and rose up into the air, and flew back to its shelf.

Buffy grinned and answered Willow. "I'm getting rid of Spike and Dru."

"Uh?" Willow looked confused and lost-Did she miss something important? Xander was a little better.

"Um, I'm sorry, Buff-But did you just say you were getting rid of Spike and Dru?" Said Xander slowly.

Buffy nodded and still grinning explained, "You know why Spikey and Dru are here, don't ya? To find a cure for Little Miss Crazy Drusilla!" She said, answering her own question. Buffy gestured at the direction the book had gone. "The cure was there, in that book the whole time!"

"_What?_"

"Are you sure, Buffy?" Questioned Willow, puzzled. "I don't understand . . .Why would a Watcher keep a book about helping cure sick vampires?"

Xander nodded, slowly and thoughtfully. "I gotta back Wills up on this one-Why would the G-man keep something like that around. 'Cause, Hello! Watcher guy! They _help_ kill vampires, not nurse them back to good health!"

Buffy sighed melodramatically. "I don't know the reason or rhyme to this mystery, Wills, Xander. But I _do_ know that once Spikey gets that altered spell done, instead of getting a healthy, ranting psycho vamp girlfriend, he's gonna become a nice demon _love_ magnet." She grinned, pausing. "_And_ his skanky girlfriend is gonna find herself sporting the latest in horns and hooves!"

"Er, love magnet?" Said Xander in alarm. Wait, did Buffy _alter_ a spell? How did she learn to do that? Revan? But how did the twice-knighted Jedi and Sith lord learn Earth magic?

"Yeah," Buffy nodded, happy with herself. "Every demon type within twenty miles of our peroxide blondie, is going to get a serious case of vamp lust, and will _have_ to try jumping his bones!"

Willow gasped. Xander stood still for a moment, then a slow, wide grin grew on his face. He really _could not_ help himself-The image of Spike running away from mobs of horny demons griped Xander in a fist of gleeful satisfaction. True, it failed to reach the level of a good dusting-But it had its own appeal.

Buffy put her hands behind her back and bounced on her toes. "Good?"

Xander, still grinning, said, "Yeah, you did good, Buffster." One vamp down . . . one deadboy to go.

Willow sputtered, grinned, and then happily clapped her hands. "Oh! Buffy! That-that's so, so good!"

"And as an extra bonus . . .We're going to Hawaii!" Buffy beamed. "A whole week of beach and fun!"

The clapping abruptly stopped.

"Ah, Buffy?" Said Willow, cautiously. "How did we get to go to Hawaii? Did we win a contest or something?"

"Nah, no contest," Buffy shrugged. "Book is a set-It comes with its own secret decoder cross. No kidding! A cross-A solid, honking, twenty-four karat gold cross! I made a gold-plated duplicate, and placed it back in the original's hidey-hole. Sometime this week, our Spike's not so bright minions will find it-I practically had to make a breadcrumb trail for them to follow, but they will _find_ it. The original will now pay for our well earned Hawaiian vacation."

"Wait, wait a minute . . .Buffy, we don't have a week long vacation break any time soon," Xander pointed out. "How are we gonna do this?"

"Remember that emergency meeting Giles was called to? Well, it seems something happened to the pipes . . .The water, sewage-Its going to take at least a week to repair and clean up stuff. Our wise elders are going to come to the conclusion that, for the safety of the student body, it's necessary to close down the school for a week-At least a week."

"Uh, a week?" Xander considered what new patterns of Hawaiian shirts he could find in Hawaii. Willow smiled; her parents were going on tour for a month. She could spare the week and then some.

"Yep."

At that point, Giles came in. "Children, I have some news . . ."

Yep, Hawaii turned out to be a surprisingly good vacation-No demons or vampires or end of the world crisis to ruin it. Instead there were the beaches, sightseeing, food and good times with good friends. Admittedly, Buffy and Xander had to convince Willow a very _large_ cricket was making the racket coming out of the surrounding trees and underbrush, instead of a tiny tree frog called a Coqui. But other then that minor hitch, they had a lovely time. Xander even found _two_ new patterns of Hawaiian shirts. And all of it paid by the gold cross decoder, the one time possession of Josephus du Lac, author of a book on how to cure sick vampires.

After they returned from Hawaii, and broke into the mayor's secret archives of video recordings, did they get to see the scene they had been waiting all week to see, after Giles called and told them about it.

Spike naked, with only one shoe, and a horned and hoofed Drusilla draped over one shoulder, running at full speed down the street with an army of horny, sex starved demons in howling pursuit!

He had his game face on, but instead of looking vicious and insane as he usually did, Spike looked desperate and terrified. His body was bloody, he was liberally smeared with slimy, multi-colored fluids; an impressive collection of bruises in odd forms and shapes showed up exceptionally well against his vampire pale skin. The mayor's cameras were high end, quality equipment and recorded everything in full, vivid colorful detail. Even Spike's reddened and abused groin was visible in stark detail. That sight turning into one serious, collective "Eeeew!" moment for the gang.

For a brief moment, Buffy felt guilt-The moment _was _brief; Buffy dismissed it when the cameras picked up another rivulet of blood running down Spike's skin. Vampires were dry corpses, bleeding only their victims' blood. After that correction, Buffy sat back and enjoyed the show.

Buffy delighted in the part when Spike used Dru as a club, swinging her about by her legs and thighs, knocking down groups of amorous demons! Strange as it seemed . . . Dru herself seemed to be holding on tightly to a doll even as she was being violently, wildly swung about. Hmm, that _is_ odd, Buffy considered distracted, but then, Dru was certainly a strange, strange vampire.

The last recording covered Spike's car flying out of town with a quartet of aroused demons clinging to it.

Buffy smiled-Maybe not as good as dusting them, but good enough.

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In the wood bordering Sunnydale, an old squirrel gathered acorns.

Ah, a squirrel's work is never done! Thought Sme'rel as he bent down for the uncountable time and retrieved another acorn. Oh, his poor tired back! He was old and tired. Why should he be the one doing all this work? Suddenly, Sme'rel became angry at the perceived injustice, and in a rage, threw down the woven grass basket he had been carrying on his back.

As the acorns rolled out of the basket, Sme'rel stared up at the sky with clenched paws and shouted, "I'm old! I'm tired! I wish Death will come to me now!"

Out of the clear sky came thunder and lightening. Sme'rel dropped down to the ground and covered his head in his furry arms. After a moment of silence, he cracked open an eye and peered out between his arms. Sme'rel spied the hem of a black robe and with great and terrible reluctance looked up-Straight into the empty skull sockets of Death.

Sme'rel gaped, too terrified to talk, or move, or-Say, was there something off about Death's skull? Sme'rel squinted. On closer examination, it did looked like-

"Um, Mr. Rat Death?"

The cowl draped skull nodded once.

"Ah-I-um, I did call you, then?"

Another nodded.

"Oh, ok, well . . ." Sme'rel took a deep breath. "I'd like to tell you about a couple of rat buddies of mine being stalked by those vampires-Mind you, I can't do anything to really _help_ them, but I thought that maybe a personal touch could help ease them into the After Life. So, could you, you know, personally escort them on?"

The Rat Death grinned, snapped a sharp salute and faded away. Sme'rel breathed in relief, got up and brushed his fur off; suddenly feeling a whole lot better than he had before-It helped that his wildly beating heart was calming down. And in this chipper mood, Sme'rel decided he ought to pack it up and go home, before anything else happened. Now-

Now, where had that basket disappear to? He walked into the undergrowth, searching for his fallen nuts, when-

_Snap!_

"Oh, crap!" An incorporeal Sme'rel stared in disbelief at his still twitching body. Yeah, he had been distracted! But, still-

How could he have forgotten about _those_ _damn rat traps?!_


End file.
